In this article you will learn:
- What are the 27 characteristics of a good and healthy relationship. I take the time to explain to you in detail what they are exactly, how you deal with them and when your relationship does or does not have it.
- A test with which you can always check how healthy your relationship is . So you always have something to come back to if you just don’t know anymore whether you are on the right track.
- The perspective that people will never give you in your face because they are afraid that you will not listen to it. If you know what they really think about relationships, you will understand that there are characteristics of a good relationship that you never came up with. It is the ” mind-reading trick “ that can save many a relationship.
- What are the most important steps you can take today to make your relationship healthy. Ignore this and you will always struggle with a relationship that is so-so, while you always have to hear from your friends how wonderful the man they are dating.
- … And much more.
“ A good relationship. “
What is that?
Most e-mails from women that I get about their relationship with the fact that they don’t know what ” normal ” is. Often situations arise in which she does not know what to do, purely because she has no previous experiences. And when she asks her friends for advice, she gets an answer that she can’t do in the best case – and disrupts her relationship in the worst case.
And this may come as a surprise, but:
“ If you understand what a good relationship is, it will be so much easier to make up your relationship. “
After all, it is not the case that a good relationship comes out of the blue. Every relationship starts with a man, a woman and an overdose of love. You have nothing else. You will have to work on it yourself, sculpting, claying, to ensure that it takes the form that you want.
“ And I’m going to help you with that. “
Because it hurt me to read all the suffering of those women in my inbox, I decided to make the definitive list of characteristics of a healthy relationship.
I know for sure that if you get an intuitive understanding of the situation you are in, it will be so much easier to work on. It is as if you can prevent problems before they arise, because you know what potential stumbling blocks are. Which you and your husband don’t fall over.
” But even if you have had a relationship for years, this article can come in handy “
If you have been unhappy or a little unsatisfied for ages, this article can help you discover where exactly the problem lies. Sometimes it’s hard to say what goes wrong if you love someone. And as you will notice, it is not about who is wrong, but what the conditions are under which a relationship works or does not work.
And the great thing about conditions is that you can always change them. Even if you have been married for twenty years, you can do a ” relationship check-up ” with the list below , and see what’s wrong with lightning speed. Think of me as a relationship doctor.
So. Are you ready for it?
Then I grab my stethoscope and put it on your heart. Then we will start working on the 27 characteristics of a healthy relationship.
But before we really start, watch the video below:
Feature 1: You do your best to look good for each other
I coach both men and women to get the best possible relationship with each other. And if there is one thing I can tell the people are slowly starting to get into the relationship, is when he says
“ Yes, in the beginning she puts a lot of effort into looking nice. But after a while, she no longer tries her best at her appearance. It seems that she doesn’t care anymore. “
He often says it is a bit embarrassed. Maybe he thinks back to what it was like when you just started dating each other. And you did your stinking best to impress him with your appearance.
When you stop this after a while, a man gets the feeling that you are no longer taking him seriously. It is important for someone to have a girlfriend that he can show to his friends, just as you want a man to show to your girlfriends.
He may not say it straight to your face because a man does not want to hurt you. He may find your inner self beautiful, but at the same time begin to understand that you are no longer willing to do much about your appearance. And it hurts him.
What it also shows him is that you do not have as much willpower and are as confident as he thought
Taking good care of yourself is an indicator of both. Especially willpoweris important: it is one of the psychological personality traits that predict how well someone will do in life.
People who score high on willpower make it further in life. In other words: a lack of willpower ensures that you have a relationship with someone who is not willing to cooperate that it is crucial. If it is going to be difficult, you will need willpower to get through it, and a man will not come to the conclusion that you are going to wait until he has solved it.
“ This naturally also applies the other way around. “
If your husband chooses to:
- No more brushing his teeth
- To stop taking a shower
Just sit on the couch and play computer games
Then of course you don’t like this either. You snap at him because the personality that you thought he had didn’t match reality. On the basis of its appearance you have drawn conclusions that in retrospect prove to be completely untrue. And then you are stuck with the baked pears.
It is therefore important that you both do your best for each other to a certain extent. It is one of the more important characteristics that I use to estimate whether a relationship is going in the right direction or is about to break.
Feature 2: Your health remains at the same level
Most people arrive when they end up in a long relationship.
It is a sad fact for something that few people talk about. When people get into a relationship, chances are that they will begin to neglect their health.
It is almost as if they were paying attention to their health in the past, purely to attract a partner. And when they succeed, they go back to their lazy self.
In a healthy relationship (pun intended) you both do your best to maintain your health. Not for each other, but because the norm is that you take care of yourself. You cannot take care of the other if you cannot take care of yourself. And the first step is to take your health seriously.
That means you go to the gym, run, or do something else that keeps you fit. And that you don’t eat huge amounts of pasties, Twixes, wild boar, sour mats or happy meals. And that hanging out together in front of the TV and eating a game of chips is not the only mixed denominator in your relationship.
Feature 3: You do thoughtful things for each other
If you are arguing and the 1 is no longer angry, then this can do thoughtful things for the other.
And if both of you are no longer angry and everything is cake and egg, then you will be attentive and kindly towards each other anyway.
A bit of altruism and empathy are needed to make every relationship a success.
That means that when you come home from work and you have had a long day, he gives you a good massage. Or that when he comes home, you give him a nice cup of coffee and leave him alone. Men often have to take a break after a long day of work.
All in all, you have learned from each other what you like, and you are willing to help each other a little with that. Not when the other person asks, but from yourself.
Purely because you like to give the other person a good feeling
If the relationship doesn’t go well for a while, it is very easy to improve this by starting doing small, thoughtful things. And then not things that you serve that the other likes it. I know a couple where a man regularly surprised his girlfriend with a bunch of flowers – even though she had forgotten to tell him she doesn’t like flowers at all.
The fact that you know what you like from each other, and that this is the mixed denominator in your relationship, ensures that you can have a great time with each other day by day. Because in a relationship you will occasionally have to work together – especially if you have children. That can only be tolerated if a little care is taken of each other at the same time.
And that brings me directly to the following point:
Feature 4: You both do your best
In a good relationship, it’s not the case that the 1 completely ignores his or her needs and works like a baby for the other.
That means that you are both attentive to what the other needs. And no one in the relationship feels that the other is a selfish jerk who gives little love.
“ That doesn’t mean that you have to do the same for each other. “
Some men or women don’t need much attention at all. And find it very sweet if you do something small once in a while. Other people constantly need this to feel good. If this differs a bit, then that’s not bad at all.
The point is that you are both satisfied
Sometimes there is talk of ‘ equalitythinking’ among relationship coaches and therapists. They then say that it is important that you have “the same amount ” for each other. And that is true in a certain sense – but in a relative sense, not absolute.
If you look at what the ” absolute ” differences are – by, for example, digging how often someone does something nice for the other – and you compare this between partners, you see that there are often big differences. But if you then ask how satisfied people actually feel (without first telling them that there are “absolute” differences), then they often call themselves very satisfied. You can say from a blown equality thinking that the other person must do more, but that does not make the partner who definitely gets less happy anymore.
The point is therefore that you are well attuned to each other, willing to occasionally step over your ego and do something that the other person likes. And if you love someone, then this goes a bit naturally, doesn’t it?
Feature 5: You don’t do everything together
Some couples in my area I see do the following:
- In the beginning of the relationship they are madly in love with each other. They want to spend every minute they are awake together.
- They introduce each other in their respective friend groups. That clicks. The decision is unconsciously made that the other person is now always welcome, and his friends also become your friends (and vice versa).
- They try each other’s hobbies once, and this appears to work fantastic. If she does not like sports, she learns to appreciate this when she goes to the gym with him a few times. If he is not a tea fan, this will come naturally if she takes him a few times to a tea house, where they try one crazy tea. And so on and so forth.
- When they sit on the couch in the evening, they want to be able to talk about the same thing. But because two people with different experiences are involved, they decide to solve this by watching TV together. The characteristic of TV is that you watch passively, do nothing at all and allow it to come across you superficially.
In this case there is a relationship that turns you into a Siamese twin. And you know how it goes. In the beginning this will undoubtedly be fun. But after a while this doesn’t work anymore.
Because in the beginning you are very much in love , but after a period of a year the hormones that come with it start to lose its grip on you. The result is that you literally start looking at each other with different eyes. The pink glasses go off, and you are forced to see each other for the first time without falling in love.
And if it turns out that you are almost merged, it becomes very difficult to maintain a relationship.
That means that you can have each other if you do activities separately. And that there is little jealousy around the corner when, for example, the 1 goes out for a night with his friends. It is a sign of a healthy relationship if this does not cause a lot of stress.
Feature 6: You have your own life
When in a relationship 1 of 2 (or both) stops doing things that person did for the relationship, that is an alarm signal.
There can be three reasons for this:
- He or she did something to find an attractive partner. Now that that has happened, the behavior is not necessary. And that is why it is only broken down.
- He or she thinks that the partner does not like this behavior (or the hobby or whatever) and has therefore stopped. This will cause that person to accident.
- The activities undertaken with the partner take the place of those former hobbies. In this way, that person increasingly loses his identity.
It is important that you stick to your own identity. There is nothing wrong with learning from each other in a relationship and making a strong connection. And it is also okay to occasionally do something together. But when this is the only thing that happens, you lose your own identity.
And then you have the proverbial dolls dancing.
It is a good sign when both partners in the relationship have things that they enjoy and the other does not. When this is not the case, this often has to do with the fact that someone has their limits in order. Because of this, someone has unknowingly changed for the other. And that doesn’t work in the long run.
Feature 7: You will miss each other if you are apart for a while
Suppose you are not together for a week. Does a situation arise in which you miss the other person?
When was the last time you had this feeling?
In a relationship there is a constant sense of desire. In the first two months, if you are in love with each other and have found each other completely, then you don’t have to do much for this. But as the relationship progresses you will have to enter this differently.
Many relationship coaches and therapists advise you to spend as much time as possible with each other and ensure that you talk a lot about your problems. What I think or this last advice, I will come to that in a moment. But what does not help for your desire in a relationship is to spend every minute together.
You only notice that you value someone when you are not with that person. You begin to notice that that person is important to you anyway, and a sense of lack starts to arise. This feeling makes you look for the other person, and when this happens the love shoots through you again.
When you are constantly together, you get used to each other’s presence too much. It is as if the other person is becoming a kind of piece of furniture in your house – at least that risk exists. And I don’t know how you are doing, but when I go shopping I don’t get a huge nostalgia for my couch.
So if you never miss each other, this is an indication that you are spending too much time together. I think this is the recipe for breaking a relationship. Because what will happen automatically:
Feature 8: You do not get annoyed by silly things
Sure you can find it annoying if he does not turn the cap on the toothpaste.
But if this is a reason to throw the flat screen TV with cord and all through the room – just while he is watching football?
Then you have a problem.
“ The characteristic of a good relationship is that you are not annoyed by small things. “
And that if an argument arises, this is not about dire trivialities.
If this is the case, it often means that the other person does not get enough room in the relationship. You turn into a piece of furniture for each other, and the desire weakens. As a result, you begin to see more and more details that you do not like about the other person. Which you would not see if you had no contact for a few days, and then met again.
It is also much easier to forgive someone’s mistakes if you have fun times with that person
But if you are constantly on each other’s lips, then this becomes increasingly difficult. Go after it. You cannot feel in the best mood all day, because there are times when you (and your partner too) feel bad.
That is the reason that some people opt for a lat relationship . This is a relationship where your partners are apart, but do not live in the same house (or live at a considerable distance from each other). There are more and more couples trying this together, because it prevents the problems I just mentioned by definition.
But even if you live together, it is quite possible to prevent yourself from bothering each other for the right things. And that is simply by spending less time together.
This may all sound a bit difficult, and you wonder whether you should answer this question positively or negatively. Let me say it this way:
“ What is the reason that an argument arises? “
Is this about small things such as a tube of toothpaste that the cap is not on, a light switch that is switched on or off at the wrong moments or other small things that are more important to one than the other? If this is the case, then you know for sure that you are spending too much time together and that your relationship is not on the right track.
Feature 9: You have no recurring quarrels
Having a fight every once in a while doesn’t hurt at all.
You get the chance to have a discussion about where the right boundaries lie in a relationship. Built-up frustrations can come out. You get the chance to make it up to each other afterwards – and to miss each other exactly as I said earlier.
But what is not good is, for example, when it comes to a weekly fight. Something that comes back at a fixed time, under a fixed set of circumstances.
And in addition, if the subject of the fight, the point of contention, is something that keeps coming back, then you also have a big problem.
The characteristic of an argument is that it dissolves something. That it ensures that your relationship comes out better. If this is not the case, then that fight is a pointless exercise that both makes your lives worse. And if something comes back every time, it means that 1 of the people is chronically dissatisfied with a certain aspect of the relationship.
It is an important characteristic that it is actually not going so well at all if you keep arguing about 1 particular point. It is important to make a final decision about this, because as long as you continue to do so, I can assure you that things will go wrong sooner or later. You can be better for that, and make sure that something really changes.
Feature 10: You have little argument
Another point where relationship therapists and coaches and I disagree.
I literally have thousands of men and women, and I noticed one thing:
“ Quarrels aren’t necessarily good for a relationship. “
People who shout very loudly that arguments are part of a relationship, often have a relationship in which the dishes regularly fly through the room. Because they don’t want to consider the possibility that their own relationship is stupid, they rationalize this flying crockery. With the excuse that this is part of every good relationship.
Well, my experience and that of my customers is very different. If you are constantly struggling in a relationship, then you are simply not doing well. It is an indication that things are not going as well as you would like.
” Is every quarrel wrong? “
No. It is not at all insurmountable if you occasionally have a fight. But it is not the optimum situation, and it is often an indication that there is a larger problem that is slumbering. Whether this is in how you treat each other, you do not get the right support from your husband or that 1 of you does not correctly state his or her limits .
If it occurs more often than ” very occasionally “, it means that 1 of the parties does not state his or her limits properly or receives too little support in the relationship. And if you do not tackle that quickly, then it will continue to play tricks on you.
Feature 11: You can forgive each other
If you have a fight every so often, you’ll be fine. You forgive each other and become friends again. There is cuddling, and it is completely ok again.
You start missing the other person when he is angry with you. You realize that you actually care a lot about that person. Making it almost more important what happens after the fight than what happens during the fight.
Feature 12: Have regular sex with each other
I am not talking about the first two months in which you cannot stay apart. I know that at such a moment you cannot do anything but jump on him, if you are alone in one room. But this decreases somewhat in the course of the relationship.
Suppose you only go to bed together for 1 in 2 weeks, or not at all. Then a situation arises that will become a huge problem in the long term. Especially for men, sex is hugely important, and I’ll explain why in a moment.
But first understand well that it will always start playing one of the two parts if the frequency is not to his or her wish. Sex is an important part of a relationship, and if it is not there you are more brother and sister.
“ I know that some people can live without sex. “
But they are so rare that the person you are in a relationship with almost certainly does not belong to that group either. This creates an imbalance that over time overrules the entire relationship.
On the other hand: in a healthy relationship there is a frequency. You have sex on a regular basis, and therefore enjoy yourself together.
Feature 13: You both feel attractive
For men, sex is one of the most important things in a relationship. There are three more, and if you want to know what they are,
But why is sex so important to men?
“ It is connected to their self-worth. “
It is impossible for a man to feel good about himself when he is not having sex. He feels less of a man and will therefore develop an uncertainty that does not suit him. His ability to make decisions will deteriorate, and he will be less convinced.
Men don’t talk about that. They prefer to pretend that nothing is wrong and do not show their emotions . But the result of when he is not satisfied with his sex life, his horrible.
I know men who are righteous citizens. Have a strong morality, and don’t want to hurt anyone consciously. They have everything very well in business, financially and emotionally. And they have a fantastic girlfriend – which they cheat on anyway.
This behavior is of course completely wrong
In fact, he just cheats on her and hurts her a lot. But I have heard these men rationalize with: “ Yes, we haven’t had sex in a while, so I had no other choice. “
On the surface, this is of course a non-reason to cheat someone. But from his perspective, sex is so important that he simply cannot do without it. If he cannot get it from you, he will feel compelled to get it somewhere else.
More men than you think are doing this by going to a prostitute. 1 in 4 men say they have ever paid for sex, but because it is quite a taboo subject, the percentage will undoubtedly be higher.
And don’t think those men do that for pleasure. Their sex drive gives them no other choice, in fact they would rather have sex with their own wives. But if they don’t get what they need there, then the pressure rises so high that they think they have no other choice. One man solves this by going to the whores, the other cheating.
” And of course it also happens the other way around “
It is a bit rarer, but in some relationships the man needs sex less than the woman. And of course you want to be wanted by your boyfriend as a woman. As a result, the need for confirmation can increase, and you decide to cheat.
Or even more innocent. You are on a night out, for example on vacation, and there a man presents himself who you find extremely attractive. You can do nothing about it and let him decorate you. And afterwards you think: ” Oh no … “
It happens, and it is not good. But you are human, and everyone makes mistakes. The percentages of people who have ever cheated on their relationship are very high. But that is an indication that most people do not have such a best relationship – or are simply impulsive.
If you no longer feel attractive to your husband, that may just as well be an indication that your relationship could use a boost. You are not supposed to feel unhappy, purely because he is no longer attracted to you (or at least you cannot give that feeling.)
Feature 14: You are both satisfied with the frequency
Do you have a relationship in which one or you want more often than the other, but the other doesn’t feel like doing this?
You may think: “ Oh, that’s pretty harmless. “And:” The person who wants less will accept it. “
And in a sense that is true. A compromise is always needed, and most people are not too angry at all to bind in a bit and settle for less. But if the difference is too far apart, then you get a problem. And although the difference is very small, in the long term you will notice that this can start to eat a bit.
Nobody is guilty of that. It is more a difference in biology that you cannot change much about. In such a case you can think about doing a Peter R. De Vriesje and opening up the relationship . Because it is something that can affect your relationship in the long run.
Feature 15: You acknowledge that sex is important in the relationship (and work on it)
Well I know that there are some couples who have literally planned in their agenda when they go to bed together. For example twice a week, on Wednesdays and Sundays. I always thought this was a bit crazy, but after it was explained to me, I started to find it quite logical. Sex is extremely important for your relationship, and think of it this way:
- You spend a few hours a week on your accounting to stay financially healthy.
- You do fun things with your partner to feel good about each other.
- You go to the gym a few times a week to keep your health up to date.
Is it then a crazy idea to work on your relationship in the same way, by literally freeing time to make love to each other?
The couples who do this are very happy with this ” arrangement ” – at least, generally speaking. If it could help you improve your relationship, I would do that. Because the realization that sex is important, and that you have to work at it, is the fifteenth characteristic of a good relationship.
And do you know what it is?
” Most people are downright bad in bed “
This is because it is not given as an optional course in high school. And that’s a good thing too. I don’t think you’re really waiting to learn extensively how sex works from a middle-aged teacher, right?
But the fact is that sex is not something that will blow you enormously. It may well be that there is a difference between how you treat each other in bed. Perhaps he has more experience than you and is therefore a bit short. Or is it the other way around, has he never heard of foreplay and have you ever had better lovers?
It is a bad sign when there is simply no room within your relationship to talk about this. It ensures that you are in a gray area all the time, with 1 (or more parties) being utterly dissatisfied. And that ensures that the relationship gets worse over time.
That also means that you sometimes do not even find out if this is the problem. Because in general your partner will not tell you if you are bad in bed, unless you ask for it the right way. And then you will also have to fish, because it is simply an uncomfortable conversation to have. But when the sex is good, many more pieces in the relationship fall into place.
Feature 16: You make each other better
I have very nice friends. But I have to confess to you. I notice that something interesting happens when they get a new relationship.
In many cases, they forget everything around them. That makes sense. In the first two months that you are in love, everything suddenly no longer seems so important except the other one. I can still live with that.
But what I really like is if it still stays that way after those two months.
I have seen fantastic men and women turn into ” couch potatoes ” who do nothing more than just bounce around with one arm around their beloved. This is because they have fallen in love that does not suit them well, and where the things he (or she) did for this simply do not come in.
” A colleague had a relationship with a woman who was not at all ambitious “
My colleague is a hard worker. Whatever he does, he always throws in whether the chance of success is high or low. But then he met a woman he did like, who was the exact opposite of life. She thought it was especially important to relax a lot.
The result was that they both pulled together. He became less ambitious, and she became more ambitious. But the result was that he was continuously pulled down in terms of energy level. You understand that that relationship did not last very long.
“ Most people are cool when they are single than in a relationship. “
And you notice this too. Because the majority of relationships go out within a year. People find that they do not fit together, or want other things in life. You often see that 1 of 2 or both gave up in the beginning what made them unique in the eyes of the other.
For example, they stop:
- Learn new things
- Work hard at work or study
- Reading books
It is not necessary for anything, but in most relationships you see that people do not make each other better. This is the characteristic of a bad relationship, because you cannot deny your own nature. If you like something, it will find its way back into your life sooner or later. Or you will be unhappy with the life you lead, purely because you would rather do something else.
Feature 17: You encourage each other to improve yourself
This is the only solution that ensures that a relationship is more likely to succeed.
“ You come to a level where there is something bigger than your relationship. “
You both want to go the same way, and this doesn’t have to be because you are working on the same thing. But when you both try to improve yourself and encourage the other in it, you can create a level of support that is simply lacking in most relationships.
You see that the strongest relationships – especially with people who perform at a high level, such as business people and athletes – are characterized by a notion that steps must always be taken. That work must always be done to become a better person.
A situation arises in which you encourage each other to take new steps every day. In whatever area this is. It is the quickest way to make any relationship better, because it will then be okay to look at everything that happens. Nothing can be taken for granted, and that is very healthy.
It prevents you from settling down for a life that doesn’t make you happy or that you don’t enjoy. And that’s what my next point is about.
Feature 18: You have fun together
Of course, the above sounds very serious. But what you should not forget is that a relationship is primarily meant to have fun together.
The above conditions are, as it were, the limits that ensure that one of the parties does not get frustrated over time. But the things I’m going to mention now are what’s going on within those boundaries.
“ And fun is a big part of that. “
You enjoy spending time together. I mean, you can motivate each other enormously to become a better person, but if that is not interspersed with moments when you are really enjoying yourself, it is just like being a kind of colleague of one another. And that is of course quite boring.
Scientific research has shown that having fun makes you happier
The people who experience the most happiness in life are not busy all day realizing their ambitions. They also ensure that their daily lives are organized in such a way that they enjoy themselves.
This can consist of simple things such as:
- I like the apartment where I live.
- I spend my time with people I love or at least appreciate.
- I had a slice of bacon with my breakfast.
- I got a kiss from my friend before I left.
Most people in the world have absolutely no influence on all the ambitious things I mentioned above. They have to work really hard to make ends meet, and have no choice. But we in the West have the choice whether we work a little or a lot. That makes it a lot more important in a relationship.
A large group of people need to work hard to feel happy
It is a piece of meaning that they would simply miss otherwise. They find it boring to walk around the edges all day. Or course you have to agree with that in a relationship.
But in a situation where that is not disputed at all – for example, if you have a toilet in a factory for a hungry wage in the third world – people are not necessarily unhappy. This is because in this tough life they have built in moments where they have a lot of fun. And one of the great joys of life is having a great relationship.
A life in which you have to work hard unintentionally becomes much easier to tolerate if you can have a lot of fun. Conversely, a life that consists only of pleasure can feel very empty for many people. A balance is needed between hard work and having fun. And how that balance turns out varies from person to person.
In such a case, it is an important characteristic of the relationship if you both enjoy the relationship and your preferences are well matched. Such as with humor.
Feature 19: You make each other laugh
You wouldn’t say it, but men secretly like itwhen a woman laughs at his jokes – and has a sense of humor herself.
Humor is simply a very intelligent way to have fun. And life would be pretty boring if you couldn’t laugh about it, right?
“ There was a psychiatrist who wrote something surprising. “
He said: “ If I get people with a serious disorder, I give them medication. It always takes weeks to months for this to work. But I know that if someone suddenly starts joking again, that person is on their way to do better. “
Being positive and being able to laugh are important indications that you are not depressed and a nice person to get along with. And nobody wants a relationship that can’t smile. That’s why relationships break up quickly when someone is no longer able to laugh, for whatever reason.
Feature 20: You try new things
If you have a fixed routine that you complete every day, then the routine will get in quite quickly. This is logical. It is a consequence of when you spend a lot of time together, and are often focused on other things in life.
But the characteristic of a good relationship is that you plan space to do fun things together. This means that you occasionally try something completely new. And this can be anything:
- A new restaurant
- Take a city trip to a strange city together
- Cook a new dish together
- Try each other’s hobbies
- Try out a new hobby together
With all these things you just step out of the rut to see again what could be fun to do. What happens in such a case is that you stop running the fixed ” program “. Too many couples go to the same restaurant every week, and are then surprised when they get out of each other.
Feature 21: You take a year a few weeks ” free ” apart
It is very healthy to go on holiday once a year without each other.
This is needed for every relationship. This way you ensure that it stays good and pleasant. And in the meantime you can tell if you will miss the other.
It is a characteristic of a healthy relationship if you cannot be close to each other for a week or two, without the relationship being at stake. It is a sign of power, and a sign of love if you pass through this phase intact.
Feature 22: You make plans for the future
And this does not have to be very serious with pen and paper. But a feeling that you both want to go in the same direction, which is the more you talk to each other, ensures that you stay in line.
Just like the more ambitious points I mentioned earlier, this prevents you from growing apart. Because if you notice that you’re going in different directions, then it’s natural to take a little more distance. And it is perfectly possible to maintain a healthy relationship with a little more distance.
What is not possible is to have a relationship where you are constantly on each other’s lips and actually want other things. That simply becomes pretty difficult. So by making plans for the future, you will automatically notice whether you are attracting more or less to each other.
Feature 23: You know each other’s family
If he has never introduced you to his family, then that is of course a bit weird.
You don’t have to be best friends with your mother-in-law, but let’s face it. If you’ve never seen them or the band is really bad, then this doesn’t really help.
His family is important to him, and your family is important to you. At least there must be an understanding that ensures that 1 of you does not become a rope that both the family and the other partner pull on.
Feature 24: You feel respected
Respect works for men and women in somewhat different ways. Since you are a woman, I assume that I don’t have to explain anything about how it works for you. You know that better than I do. But let me tell you how it works for a man.
“ He needs appreciation. “
Every man wants to feel like the strongest bear on earth. Like a child or Hulk that could pull the Eiffel Tower out of the ground and use it to play a nice game. And at the same time as an immortal businessman, who makes the right decisions in all cases.
Every man has a big ego. You don’t do anything about that. And this is not bad either. Sooner or later he will be overtaking by reality.
“ But you don’t have to do this for him. “
Do you remember the video or Lau and Tiny? This was a viral video clip from a few years ago in which a primal Rotterdam man completely takes his wife because she corrects him while setting up the Christmas tree.
I’ll just warn you. Quite nasty language is used in the video below:
The reason I show you that it turned out that it is actually a very happy couple
But the man became rather angry because his wife tried to read the lesson to him. Or course she is only wanted to help, but he is simply not waiting for that.
“ If a woman understands that a man does not always want to be corrected, this will benefit the relationship. “
It is a characteristic of a healthy relationship when a woman manages to keep her mouth shut occasionally when she knows better than him. Certainly if she is right. He simply does not thank her, because it is against his sore male leg.
When there are conflicts about situations like this, it is a bad sign. It predicts that sooner or later tensions will run too high and the relationship will break.
“ Conversely, of course, it also applies. “
Say it yourself. If you ask a man “ if you have a big ass in that dress. ”Then you want him to let you know in such a respectful way that he finds you the most beautiful woman on earth?
Suppose he walks down the street with you, and he watches another woman. Then you also want to hear that shows respect to you and lets you know how nice it is that you are his girlfriend?
This mutual understanding is something that both men and women must learn through experience. It is what arises about the years. Sometimes several failed relationships are needed to find out.
But if both partners understand a relationship, you will see that this is another characteristic of a very healthy relationship.
Feature 25: The man gets enough rest and the woman gets enough support
Do you know what research shows?
“ Almost every man says they don’t get enough rest in a relationship. “
This is because people process their emotions in a different way than women.
Conversely, women often need a man who can keep his waffle and just listen to her when she tells a story about something that bothers her.
These differences are important to understand for the success of your relationship. A man simply goes crazy if he doesn’t have a few hours a day to come to himself. And no woman benefits from being with a man who doesn’t really understand her, and makes little effort for it.
That is why I receive so many e-mails from women who are frustrated that their husbands are so distant. In fact, this is a collision caused by the conflict of a partner who needs rest and a partner who needs more contact. Finding a compromise is necessary for the relationship to succeed.
Feature 26: Your husband knows that you need it for certain things
Yes, I know you can open yourself. And that you don’t turn your hand around doing odd jobs around the house.
And we think it’s great for men if you can make your own beans as a strong, independent woman. In fact, we want a woman who can stand on her own two feet.
“ But we also want a woman where we can feel that Hulk. “
That strong man who can handle anything. Who shrinks for nothing or nobody, purely because he’s bigger and stronger than everyone else. And when you, as a woman, need him for something, this is very fond of his ego.
The main way men flirt with women is to solve problems. And I know it is sometimes annoying. But if you can give him something that he can do for you, and that you can be genuinely happy with, then you just scored a new characteristic of a healthy relationship.
It may be something very small, but every man needs the feeling that he is a knight who can save the beautiful maiden (you) from a fierce dragon. And whether this is a jar that you cannot open or a computer that needs repair, it does not matter at all.
Feature 27: You love each other
Let us not forget this important characteristic.
At the start of a relationship you are in love. Over time, the love hormones will begin to extinguish. But in that case something else comes: love.
You can still work so well with someone, and he can make you laugh so well. But if you don’t love him at the end of the day, it won’t go anywhere.
There is no reason to spend your life with a man you actually have no feelings for. It is a waste of your time, but also his. Say for yourself: don’t you both deserve to be with someone who is 100% for you?
And it is simply impossible to give yourself 100% to someone you do not love.
So. These were the 27 characteristics of a good healthy relationship with explanation. And now to the test
“ Good and healthy relationship test. “
I have listed all the features below for you. Walk them all through. If necessary, go back to the description above if you no longer know what a characteristic entails. And check for yourself if your relationship has this, yes or no.
If you see that most of the points are correct, then you know that you are on the right track. If you notice that you don’t have the majority, then there is work to be done. It does not mean that your relationship is lost. Most features are things that you can work on.
And even if you have many characteristics well organized, it does not mean that you can wait and do nothing. A relationship is always something that you have to work on, and which you must be prepared to work for. That’s why I give you the test below, so you know exactly where you stand.
Does it come:
Feature 1: You do your best to look good for each other.
Feature 2 : Your health remains at the same level.
Feature 3 : You do thoughtful things for each other.
Feature 4 : You both do your best.
Feature 5 : You don’t do everything together.
Feature 6 : You have your own life.
Feature 7: You will miss each other if you are apart for a while.
Feature 8 : You do not get annoyed by silly things.
Feature 9 : You have no recurring quarrels.
Feature 10 : You have fewer arguments than the
rounds. Feature 11: You can forgive each other.
Feature 12: Have regular sex with each other.
Feature 13: You both feel attractive.
Feature 14: You are both satisfied with the frequency.
Feature 15: You acknowledge that sex is important in the relationship (and work on it).
Feature 16: You make each other better.
Feature 17: You encourage each other to identify yourself
Feature 18 : You have fun together.
Feature 19: You make each other laugh.
Feature 20 : You try new things.
Feature 21: You take a few weeks off each other every year.
Feature 22: You make plans for the future.
Feature 23: You know each other’s family.
Feature 24: You feel respected.
Feature 25 : The man gets enough rest.
Feature 26: Your husband knows that you need it for certain things.
Feature 27: You love each other.
“ But Tim, what if I need more help with ensuring that my relationship becomes good and healthy? “
First of all, I find it annoying to hear that you apparently did not score a majority on the test above. Secondly, in the article above and on this website you will find a lot of articles to help you. Is your subject not listed? Then leave a message in the comments with your question, and I will make sure to answer that in a video and with an article.
“ And if you want to know how to make a man fall in love with you, then rush in your ears.“
Many relationship problems can be prevented if a man is 100% willing to go for you.
And say yourself. Is that the case in your relationship?
I think if you have had to say ‘ no ‘ to many characteristics , then there is much to be gained.
In that case I can heartily recommend the Men’s Secret.
“ This is a trick I developed to make men completely in love with you. “
It’s pretty simple, but I’m not going to explain that to you in this article. I have written a separate report about it in which I give you a simple step-by-step plan to ensure that he falls in love with you. Even more in love than Samson on Bobbien: